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The Daily Gravy

Still crying—AISU aka The Pertussis School's Only Reliable News Source

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February 2017

10 Reasons to Join Choir at AISU

1. Performing arts is a rite of passage at AISU.

At AISU, if you don’t participate in performing arts in some way, everyone secretly hates you. It’s true. So you might as well join choir, one of the least exclusive performing arts programs at the school!

2. No one will hear you mess up.

“But I can’t sing,” you say? Don’t worry. It’s a little-known fact that at any given time, 50% of a choir is singing the imperial march because they’ve forgotten their music. But have you noticed this at concerts or performances? Of course not, because everyone else was singing right, so nobody noticed. So unless you have a solo, the choir will sound good even if (even though) you don’t!

3. At any given time, you are surrounded by 50 students whom you can blame if something goes wrong.

If by any chance your mistakes do become audible, just glare a gesture conspicuously at the person next to you, and everyone will think he or she did it!

4. You can always lip-sync.

If you’re still afraid of messing up, just don’t sing! This is a very common choir strategy. In fact, the AISU chamber choir has lip-synced entire concerts before!

5. It’s the performing art that requires the least physical participation.

Dance is physically exhausting, as are theater and orchestra (unless you play the piccolo, then you don’t have to do anything) (please). In choir, all you have to do is move your mouth and sometimes let sounds out!

6. You’ll learn to love most of the songs you sing.

So next time your grandmother turns on her classical music, you can not completely hate it!

7. You’ll learn a lot of cool music you didn’t know before.

So not only will you not hate Grandma’s classical music, you can sing along!

8. Free T-shirt.

‘Nuff said.

9. When you do well, it makes the girls (and some guys) go crazy.

Whatever you’re into.

10.  It’s a great thing to put on your portfolio and college applications.

When colleges or potential employers see those magical words, “lip-synced in an award-winning choir at a small charter school,” they literally start to drool. Some of them will ask you to marry one of their children. But don’t accept this offer right away. If you play hard-to-get just a little, they will eventually ask you to marry ALL of their children—then you can have your pick.

EXCLUSIVE: The True Meaning of Groundhog Day

Today, the Daily Gravy releases a never-before seen exposé written exactly 1 year ago today, to share the truth about the most confusing holiday of the year (although it has almost nothing to do with AISU). Reader’s discretion advised; NSFW (Not Safe For Wussies)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FS7APT8CTb11DOfzmgQfmrPkuiUIL7rJxKmc3lO7_NA/edit?usp=sharing

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