AISU – On Tuesday, April 5, an unnamed AISU student was seen in the cafeteria during lunch with his tag sticking out of his shirt. The incident was confirmed by many eye-witnesses, some of whom reported seeing the out-of-place tag at other times throughout the day, leading authorities us to assume that the victim didn’t notice what was happening until it was too late.

 

Sources close to the victim explain that while several people saw his tag was sticking out, nobody had the heart to tell him about the mishap. “He looked so clueless about the whole thing,” an anonymous witness said, choking back tears. “Nobody wanted to ruin his day by telling him about it, and it was pretty hilarious, too.”

 

Word of the spectacle spread quickly through the school, until it seemed everyone knew about the wardrobe malfunction except the victim himself. “I didn’t even know [the victim] existed until today,” one classmate said. “But now it’d be hard not to know.”

 

The victim is believed to have noticed the tag once he arrived at home, and spent the remainder of the evening wondering how long it had been that way. He was next seen at school with a paper bag over his head and duct tape keeping his tag down. Since the incident, he has never been seen within 15 feet of another human being. He is now rumored to be removing all tags from his shirts, undergoing extensive plastic surgery, and moving to Uruguay. Such behavior is quite normal, experts say. “Can you blame him?” said one psychologist, who asked to remain anonymous and was hard to understand perfectly because he too had a paper bag over his head. “I mean, his life has been torn into pieces before his eyes. And what did his friends do about it? Nothing, except laugh at him behind his back. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to catch a plane to Uruguay.”

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