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Lance Armstrong

Student Petition to the School Board AND TOWN HALL MEETING THURSDAY AT 7PM MURRAY LIBRARY EVERYONE WELCOME

If you want to make your voice be heard regarding the unjust termination of great people such as Mike Farley, Steve Farley, Greg Farley (Steve’s clone who worked as a lunch lady), and Kelly Casaday, you now have a great means to do so. Join your fellow students in voicing their disappointment in decisions made by the AISU board of directors in a cool and productive way.

Follow this link to the student petition: Students’ Petition (Conceived and Written by Students)

Note: Mike Farley and all other adults mentioned have no knowledge of the writing of this petition.

 

Also, if you are a parent, sign this petition: Parent Petition (written and conceived by parents)

If you are neither of these, but care about Mike and Steve and Greg and Kelly a great deal, sign either one. I don’t care. No matter who you are, though please do not sign both. We want this to be as honest and legal of a process as possible, as boring as that is. If you are a student AND a parent (we won’t judge), I guess you can sign both. Otherwise, stay honest please.

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

THERE WILL BE A TOWN HALL Q&A WITH MIKE FARLEY, WHO WILL, WITH A LEGAL INFORMANT, BE ANSWERING ANY QUESTIONS THAT YOU, STUDENTS, PARENTS, OR UNCONNECTED COMMUNITY MEMBERS, MAY HAVE.

IT WILL BE AT 7:00 PM MOUNTAIN TIME, THURSDAY JULY 6, AT THE MURRAY LIBRARY (166 E. 5300 S., Murray UT, 84107).

SEE PICTURE FOR MORE DETAILS.

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AISU Sports Teams Claim to Actually Participate in Games

Murray, UT—Despite their insistence that they regularly compete in exciting, closely contested games, the AISU soccer and baseball teams are now trying to downplay rumors that these games are entirely fabricated.

 

One anonymous soccer player is quoted as saying, “How many times do I have to say it? … We really do play soccer games against other teams, and several of them are ridiculously exciting. All the doubters out there should come see for themselves.’”

 

One of the soccer team’s “fans” (which is believed to only be a sock puppet controlled by a member of the soccer team) added, (in an exaggerated high-pitched voice), “I have been to every soccer game this year, and I can attest that they actually happened. Soccer was played on multiple occasions, and in many cases the games were, in fact, fun to watch.”

 

At their latest press conference, the baseball team is on record as saying, “We run a very clean and professional team that has been singled out due to our unrealistically exciting games … it’s just not fair. We’re sick and tired of these allegations and we’re going to do everything we can to fight them. They’re absolutely untrue.”

 

A lack of eye-witnesses is one reason the public is so skeptical that these games have taken place. So far, no one outside the athletic department, other than the sock puppet, has been willing to come forward to corroborate the teams’ claims.

 

The rumors vary by source, with some kids saying that instead of competing against other teams in actual games, the athletes invent dramatic stories about their accomplishments and spread them around the school in order to impress Mindy Young and the “cool” performing arts kids. Other sources have stated athletes watch old game film from the 1960s and overdramatic sports movies like The Natural, Angels in the Outfield, and Baseball: A Documentary and then act them out as if they were on the moon.

 

The coaches and athletic directors have not responded to our casual attempts to contact them, and they have not reached out to us, which is practically a confession. One question remains: what do our baseball and soccer teams do when they are supposed to be playing baseball or soccer games? Another question that also remains is which is better: right twix or left twix? Both seem unanswerable for now.

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