by James Delliskave, Middle School Historian and Professional Endless Pit of Useless Knowledge

 

The Daily Gravy has obtained a top-secret list of proposed topics for next year’s intensives, which the Gravy promised not to release to the public until they were officially announced, but the Gravy was lying. So here they are:

 

  • At-home plastic surgery
  • Chinese buffet management
  • Do-it-yourself blood transfusions
  • America’s Funniest Home Videos: beginner’s course
  • Sluffing 101
  • Cement diving
  • “Litter”acy: course in littering
  • History of evil rabid monkey people
  • Introduction to comb-overs
  • How to get diabetes
  • Socialism: It’s not just for military dictatorships anymore, with guest lecturer Bernie Sanders
  • Obesity through the ages, part 2: Henry VII–Homer Simpson
  • The seven habits of highly successful McDonald’s employees
  • Spontaneous combustion in a postmodern context
  • Advanced tax evasion
  • Stupidity for dummies
  • Manipulating the spending habits of children, featuring Spongebob Squarepants
  • False advertising: Sign up now and receive $100,000
  • How to be better than everyone else and look really good doing it; team-taught by Kanye West and Donald Trump
  • A beginner’s guide to money laundering and forging
  • Surviving the President Trump apocalypse

 

This article was written by a guest writer who sent his/her complete article to AISUGRAVY@GMAIL.COM, which was then slightly revised, edited, and posted by Gravy professionals. This guest writer is no different from you or me except that this guest writer wrote an article for the Daily Gravy and sent it to AISUGRAVY@GMAIL.COM. Other than that, there really aren’t that many differences between the two of you. This guest writer isn’t any more special than you or anything, except that he/she wrote an article and sent it to AISUGRAVY@GMAIL.COM, and you haven’t yet. That’s really the only important difference. So what are you waiting for? If you would like your work to be posted on the Daily Gravy and laughed at (in a mostly good way) by many of your peers, email your article to AISUGRAVY@GMAIL.COM and have a nice day.

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