An intense investigation by Elijah Anderson
As nearly every AISU student has discovered, there are some pretty good game and entertainment websites that are not blocked on the school Wi-Fi, which is surprising because almost everything else is blocked, including school work. The PSA (Pointless Studies of America) recently conducted as study to get to the bottom of this.
The study included interviews with a random sample of two teachers, both of whom claim that they actually have lives outside of school and like to do things. Two unnamed teachers admitted that they enjoy, for example, playing video games online and spending time on meme sites (the identity of these sites has not been released, in order to protect them from being blocked). The PSA study concludes that if two teachers admit to using and enjoying such sites, all teachers do, because all teachers are the same.
Since the study was released, speculation has run rampant (and eventually hardened into accepted fact) that these game and entertainment sites are not blocked because the principal and the superintendent use them as well. So far, Mark Smith and Mike Farley will not confirm nor deny any allegations, which just confirms it, because if it weren’t true, why wouldn’t you just deny it?
From there, it wasn’t a huge leap to start drawing conclusions about the real reasons behind the AISU 3.0 changes. Obviously, school officials had spent so much time gaming online that the night before the changes were to be announced, they realized they hadn’t planned anything yet. So they hurriedly threw together some ideas they found inside the fortune cookies that came with the Chinese takeout they had ordered to fuel their all-night gaming binge. Then they Googled “Curriculum Companies,” called the first one they saw, and asked if we could use their curriculum. When confronted with these allegations, school officials would not confirm nor deny these allegations, which proves that they are true, because seriously people, that’s not a hard thing to deny.
This article was written by a guest writer who sent his/her complete article to AISUGRAVY@GMAIL.COM, which was then slightly revised, edited, and posted by Gravy professionals. This guest writer is no different from you or me except that this guest writer wrote an article for the Daily Gravy and sent it to AISUGRAVY@GMAIL.COM. Other than that, there really aren’t that many differences between the two of you. This guest writer isn’t any more special than you or anything, except that he/she wrote an article and sent it to AISUGRAVY@GMAIL.COM, and you haven’t yet. That’s really the only important difference. So what are you waiting for? If you would like your work to be posted on the Daily Gravy and laughed at (in a mostly good way) by many of your peers, email your article to AISUGRAVY@GMAIL.COM and have a nice day.
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Student Petition to the School Board AND TOWN HALL MEETING THURSDAY AT 7PM MURRAY LIBRARY EVERYONE WELCOME
If you want to make your voice be heard regarding the unjust termination of great people such as Mike Farley, Steve Farley, Greg Farley (Steve’s clone who worked as a lunch lady), and Kelly Casaday, you now have a great means to do so. Join your fellow students in voicing their disappointment in decisions made by the AISU board of directors in a cool and productive way.
Follow this link to the student petition: Students’ Petition (Conceived and Written by Students)
Note: Mike Farley and all other adults mentioned have no knowledge of the writing of this petition.
Also, if you are a parent, sign this petition: Parent Petition (written and conceived by parents)
If you are neither of these, but care about Mike and Steve and Greg and Kelly a great deal, sign either one. I don’t care. No matter who you are, though please do not sign both. We want this to be as honest and legal of a process as possible, as boring as that is. If you are a student AND a parent (we won’t judge), I guess you can sign both. Otherwise, stay honest please.
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
THERE WILL BE A TOWN HALL Q&A WITH MIKE FARLEY, WHO WILL, WITH A LEGAL INFORMANT, BE ANSWERING ANY QUESTIONS THAT YOU, STUDENTS, PARENTS, OR UNCONNECTED COMMUNITY MEMBERS, MAY HAVE.
IT WILL BE AT 7:00 PM MOUNTAIN TIME, THURSDAY JULY 6, AT THE MURRAY LIBRARY (166 E. 5300 S., Murray UT, 84107).
SEE PICTURE FOR MORE DETAILS.